Tuesday, June 08, 2004

God's footballer turns on a sixpence and brings the great crowd to their feet in praise of him.

Just been out to Safeways. Why do they insist on making it so hard to buy razor blades?

First off, you can't just chuck them in your basket. You have to pick up a token and take it to the checkout. Secondly, I had presumed the checkout lass would have a ready supply and she would simply swap the token for the real thing.

But no, you have to then take the token, along with your receipt, to customer services. Finally, once customer services has deemed you worthy of serving, they then take your receipt, and your token, check it, initial it and then sort through a whole bunch of keys.

Once they have found the right key they go to the bottom drawer, unlock it, and finally they hand over your Mach 3s.

Honestly, I felt like I was waiting for methodone or something.

Some razorblades, yesterday.

Serves me right for cheating on Morrisons in Byker. Byker Morrisons is also the choice of the stars. Celebs spotted to date include former The Word star, Hufty, the dark-haired Geordie woman who used to be on The Bill, Emmerson Thome, ex Sunderland and Chelsea defender now, I think, at Bolton.

Best of all was old "Unbreakable" himself Olivier Bernard, Newcastle's umpa lumping full back who is undoubtedly the hardest player in the Premiership.

Olivier Bernard. He's unbreakable.

He was surrounded by families saying in loud voices: "It f*cking is him, man," and "..but he looks dead little and that", meanwhile Ollie contented himself buying what looked like a year's supply of toilet paper.

Olivier Bernard. France, Newcastle and Morrisons' finest.

Love, light and peace,


I saw two shooting stars last night I wished on them but they were only satellites. It's wrong to wish on space hardware. I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care.