Friday, June 18, 2004

She said you know honey, it's such a shame. You'll never be any good at this game. You bruise too easily.

While I fervently believe that everything in life happens for the best, it's often difficult to work out just how the plan fits together.

Take the chain of events that indirectly lead to me signing up for VSO.

Work was a pain. I left work. I travelled. It put work and my little life into perspective. I returned. Took on another job. It was a pain. I set up on my own which was a little better. I had a row with a mate. Thought there was little for me here anymore. Applied to VSO. Was nearly sent to South Africa. It fell through. Now I'm off to Vietnam (fingers crossed).

Take out any link in that chain and I wouldn't be going to Vietnam. And as I have said, it's a dream come true.

But also somewhere, late on in that chain, when my posting was well on its way to confirmation, I met someone.

And how do you progress a relationship when you know you're going away? When time is running out. Do you throw yourself into it and wring every last drop out of it while you can? Or do you keep each other at arm's length to make parting that much easier?

I don't know and can't work it out. But it's tough.

Chuck in the fact that she works shifts and weekends and it's even harder.

But as I said, I'm a great believer in fate. I'm not religious and I can't abide new age guff but fate has never let me down. So what's happening here? Just how does all of this work out for the best? Remember, I'm the luckiest man in the world, so how do I come up trumps this time?

In the meantime, I'm still dreaming of VSO and Vietnam and that's not going to change.

And between us we've talked a lot about "enjoying the journey", in other words living for today. The trouble is we're not, we're living with one eye on tomorrow and our behaviour is being affected by VSO plans.

What's more all of this would be so much easier, if I wasn't quite as smitten.

Love, light and peace,


I saw two shooting stars last night I wished on them but they were only satellites. It's wrong to wish on space hardware. I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care.